How to Be Happy Again: 15 Ways to Get Out of a Negative Rut

11 min readApr 13, 2022

One of life’s greatest truths is that nothing is permanent.

This includes happiness, of course. Happiness isn’t a destination you reach just once and stay at forever. It is something you constantly work towards and a feeling that you can slip in and out of easily

The slippery nature of happiness can be frustrating. But it also helps us look at periods of unhappiness a bit differently. Feeling down is a natural part of life. As famed psychiatrist Carl Jung said, “The word ‘happy’ would lose all of its meaning if it was not balanced by sadness.”

If you are feeling unhappy for any reason, know that feeling happy again is within reach. This is true regardless of why you are feeling unhappy. It is true if you feel unhappy because of a major life event (such as the loss of a loved one) or if you simply feel stuck in a negative rut.

So how to be happy again? It is as simple as choosing it. Choose to follow what brings you happiness, and make happiness a habit just like brushing your teeth or making your bed is.

Here are 15 ways to feel happy again.

1. Accept Yourself Where You Are

It is worth repeating that periods of sadness are a natural and necessary part of life. It is OK to experience setbacks that make you feel unhappy!

Instead of beating yourself up for feeling down, do what you can to treat yourself kindly. (You’ll never get back to happiness by being mean to yourself about being sad!) Accept that you have temporarily lost sight of the habits, people, and activities that make you feel good. Practice forgiveness towards yourself and use this as an opportunity to get curious.

Here are a few ways to practice acceptance:

Use a guided meditation to help you fully feel your emotions. Giving yourself time and space to really feel said is one of the best ways to ease the weight that it has on you! The only way out is through.
Journal about your feelings. Putting pen to paper can help you release pent-up emotions and sadness. A great way to do this is to ask your sadness to express itself. Start by writing, “Hello sadness, what would you like to tell me?” and see what flows out. (You can also check out this list of journal prompts if that exercise doesn’t resonate with you.)

Once you accept your current feelings of sadness, you can use this time as an opportunity to learn more about yourself. The information you discover can be the stepping stones you need to grow into a better version of yourself.

2. Understand What Makes You Unhappy

I just mentioned the idea that feelings of sadness are a great opportunity to learn more about yourself. Maybe you’ve reached a stage of your life where the things that used to bring you happiness don’t anymore. Or maybe a large life event like a death or breakup is pushing you to reconsider what you value most.

Understanding what your sadness is trying to teach you is an important way to figure out how to be happy again. The easiest way to do this is to get clear on what makes you happy or unhappy in your day-to-day life.

This is what I call a time map exercise. To create a time map, take a week to try the steps below:

In one column, write down everything you did that day.
In another column, write how each activity made you feel.
Take note of any recurring thoughts that pop up throughout the day and what emotion you attach to them.

After seven days of keeping track of your daily life, you should have a pretty good idea of what things make you unhappy. You can then simplify this into a list of things that make you happy and things that make you sad.

Here’s an example of what your list could look like:

Things that Make Me Happy

Playing tennis with my son
Exercising
Learning something new
Reading
Cooking meals for my family

Things that Make Unhappy

Comparing myself to others
Watching too much news
Interacting with my boss
Worrying about money

3. Make Time for What Makes You Happy

Once you have an idea of the things that make you feel good, try to make as much time as possible for them. If you are a person who uses a calendar to stay organized, block out time on your schedule to do these things. Treat them as seriously as any other appointment!

Or ask a friend or family member to help hold you accountable for doing one thing that makes you happy each day.

4. Spend as Little as Possible Time Doing What Makes You Sad

If you are feeling stuck in unhappiness, I’ll bet that you spend most of your day doing things that bring you down. One of the simplest ways to feel better is to spend as little time as possible doing those things.

This is easier said than done, of course. There are likely some things on your list that you’ll have to do no matter what. (I’ll talk more about how to handle those later in this article.) But it is so important to take a hard look at how much time you spend doing things you don’t like.

Take a look at your list, and ask yourself…

Why am I doing this thing or spending time with this person?
Is this something that I have to do to survive?
Is this task, thing, or person connected to a larger life goal?
Can I find someone else to take over this responsibility?
How can my family and friends help me with this?

Try to answer these questions as honestly as possible. Get clear on if you are making time for activities or people just because society expects you to. Permit yourself to let go of anything that you are doing only because you feel like you should be doing it.

Try to think creatively about how you can have others support you or take over some of the tasks you don’t like. You’ll be surprised at how much space you can clear up in your schedule to do things that make you happy!

5. Use Daily Goals to Make Happiness a Habit

Setting daily goals can be a powerful way to create long-lasting change in your life. You can use them to build healthy new habits in nearly any area of your life, including your mood. (If you want to learn more about the power of daily goals, you can check out my article on them here.)

Challenge yourself to set at least one daily goal relating to finding your way back to happiness. This could look like…

Spending 30 minutes doing a hobby you love every day
Limiting time spent on social media
Going on a walk every morning

Use your happiness list as a jumping-off point for setting these goals. Then, commit to doing them every day for a week or even a month. Again, pay attention to how completing these goals make you feel. If you feel good, keep them up!

6. Get Outside

Spending time outdoors is one of the easiest ways to feel happier.

There is a growing amount of research that supports this. In fact, recent research shows that people who spend 120 minutes a week in nature experience higher levels of health and wellbeing. Based on this research, Canada has created a program that allows doctors to prescribe time in national parks as part of patients’ health and wellness care.

If you are feeling stuck in a sad rut, getting outside is a great way to feel lighter. Try to commit to going on a 20-minute walk each day to see how your mood improves. (A recent TikTok trend hilariously refers to this as a “stupid mental health walk.” Watching a few of these videos is a great way to get over resistance you might feel towards getting outside!)

7. Exercise

Getting your body moving is a great way to shake off feelings of sadness as well. But if you are new to exercise, don’t feel like you need to commit to a whole new gym routine to feel better.

Instead, start small and use this as an opportunity to have some fun. Try different types of workouts to find what makes you feel good. It is thought that your brain will release feel-good endorphins after 10 to 30 minutes of exercise. Try to commit to spending at least that much time moving to help boost your mood.

8. Eat Foods that Make You Feel Good

Having a poor diet has been associated with higher levels of depression. And this makes sense. If you eat food that makes your body feel bad, it can be hard to experience happiness!

Pay attention to how you feel after you eat. Do certain foods make you feel slow and tired? Do other foods bring you a burst of good energy? For example, I’ve learned that eating citrus is one of the best ways for me to beat the afternoon slump. There is something about the zingy taste of an orange that never fails to perk me up.

Try experimenting with different foods to see what makes you feel good. In general, eating more of the foods in the list below will help you feel better:

Dark chocolate (though try to pick chocolate with minimal added sugar!)
Fermented foods like kimchi, sauerkraut, and kombucha
Bananas
High-fiber foods like oats
Berries
Fatty fish like salmon
Nuts and seeds
Coffee (yes, really!)

9. Try Something New

It is easy to feel like unhappiness will hang around forever when you are in the middle of it. Trying something new is an easy way to remind yourself that you always have the power to change your life and your mood.

Stepping out of your usual routine has a huge range of benefits. Trying new things can…

Improve brain health. Trying and learning new things helps your brain build new pathways and grow stronger. Think of it as a workout for your mind.
Help you meet new people. If your unhappiness is tied to the people you spend most of your time with, it may be time to expand your social circle. Taking up a new hobby is a great way to meet potential new (more positive) friends.
Connect you to a community. In addition to being an opportunity to make friends, trying a new hobby or activity can help you feel involved in a community. Humans are social animals — and studies show a sense of belonging is crucial to long-term happiness.
Provide an opportunity for play. Play is something that comes so naturally to us as children but is easy to lose sight of as an adult. But trying something new is a great way to play and have some low-stakes fun.

10. Follow What Sparks Your Curiosity

Like the idea of trying something new, but not sure where to start? Pay attention to the things that make you feel curious. This could be anything: cooking, history, fantasy novel writing, gardening…the list goes on.

The key here is to just explore with no strings attached! The idea is to find new things that make you happy and to simply have fun with them. (There’s no need to invest a ton of time or money into this new hobby.) For example, if you’ve always been interested in the night sky, you could start listening to podcasts covering astronomy. Or, you could join a local stargazing group.

If you find you reach the end of your curiosity about a certain subject, then simply move on to the next thing catching your attention.

11. Find Ways to See things Differently

Think back to the list of activities and people that make you unhappy. We’ve already covered cutting the things you don’t need to do out of your schedule. But what about the tasks or interactions you can’t avoid? This is where shifting your perspective can help you feel happy again.

We often lose sight of happiness when we get stuck in patterns of negative thought. Something bad happens to you, so you begin to notice all of the things that are going wrong in your life.

Finding happiness is about swapping those negative thought patterns for more positive ones. If you start to pay attention to all that is going well for you in life, you’ll begin to notice more of the good stuff. Having a positive attitude will help you handle even the people and things that challenge you more easily.

So how can you see your life differently? Try…

Journaling. Again, putting pen to paper is a great way to see your current challenges as opportunities. Check out these 50 prompts to get you started.
Starting a gratitude practice. Take 5 minutes at the beginning or end of each day to list at least three things you feel grateful for. These things could be as small as feeling grateful for a warm cup of coffee in the morning. They could also be as large as feeling grateful for the health of your family. Just notice the things that help you notice the good in your life.
Meditating. Spending a few minutes in quiet reflection each day can help you stay focused on the present moment. The benefits of staying in the moment are huge. Coming back to what is actually happening in the here and now can help ease feelings of anxiety and depression.

12. Be Vulnerable

Don’t feel like you have to carry the burden of feeling unhappy all on your own! Find a trusted friend or family member and share how you are feeling. Talking through what’s making you unhappy can help you feel better almost immediately. Your friend may also be able to help you see your situation differently, which can help you shift out of negative thought patterns.

Being vulnerable can also support happiness in the long term by helping you form deeper, more authentic friendships.

13. Get Professional Support

Sometimes, friends and family aren’t able to give us the support we need to feel better. That is ok!

It is always a good idea to reach out to a mental health professional for support if you are experiencing long-term unhappiness. Therapists and coaches can help you work through past trauma, limiting beliefs, and negative thought patterns. All of these tools will help you find happiness and find ways to stay strong in face of new challenges.

14. Find a Happiness Role Model

While you want to avoid comparing yourself to others, finding someone you can look up to as a “happiness role model” can help you find new ways to feel better.

For example, if the loss of a loved one is making you feel unhappy, seek out bloggers, podcasters, influencers, or celebrities who have gone through something similar. Hearing their stories of how they handle grief can be deeply comforting. It can also help to see how these people still find ways to experience happiness and joy after what feels like a life-shattering event.

15. Rest & Relax

Finally, remember to take time to recharge as you work to find happiness again! Getting back into touch with your happiness can take time. Remember that it is a lifelong journey. It is OK to take breaks and give yourself the downtime you need. Doing so will help you feel less burnt out by life, which will help you unlock more positive energy.

Try to make time for what Dr. Saundra Daulton-Smith calls the seven types of rest. This looks like getting enough…

physical rest by sleeping, napping, and stretching your body.
mental rest by meditating or journaling to slow racing thoughts.
sensory rest by taking a minute to close your eyes or unplug if you feel overwhelmed.
creative rest by surrounding yourself with things that inspire you.
emotional rest by ensuring you have time to process your feelings.
social rest by spending time with people that uplift you.
spiritual rest by making space for meditation or prayer.

Finding Happiness Again

Experiencing setbacks that make you unhappy is a natural part of life. If you feel unhappy, these tips will help you remember that it is always within your power to feel happy again.

Are there any other things you do to feel happy again? I’d love to hear them in the comments below!

If you would like more tips on living a healthier, happier life, check out my book, Life Hacks: Simple Steps to a Healthier Life. Please also consider giving this article a clap and following @wellnessmadeeasy on Medium for more easy ways to improve your life.